Yesterday, we went to a trout pond. The kids caught our dinner. I appreciated being in touch with our food. We eat what grows here, what we pick and catch. That experience has been incredible for our kids, who are so removed from food production and what it entails in the US.
The kids were really upset by the violence of fishing. The woman who ran the fish pond peeled their heads off and threw their wiggling bodies in a bucket. It was a quick death, but sad. I had a hard time witnessing it as well, and was left pondering my carnivorous tendencies. The kids all swore they were going to be vegetarians from here on out. Things changed when we cooked up the super fresh trout and the wonderful smell wafted through the air. We asked them if they wanted a bite, and they descended on it like a pack of coyotes! They played all day, hide and seek in the jungle, swam at the swimming hole near the waterfall, and the long walk down the hill to our house at sunset. They had a sleepover with their cute, little friend Nichiya, and all slept on the couch in one big puppy-pile. This is what childhood should be like, rather than over-booked with piano and soccer lessons, rushed here and there.
Such bliss and tranquility here. I’m reticent to leave the mountains and our friends today.
Last night, I had a very powerful dream that I was able to go inside and experience my Gramma’s body. It was such a sad dream. She couldn’t move, and felt itchy because she had a yeast infection. Her body itched and she couldnt reach it with her hands. I was in pain, my head felt heavy. I knew from that place Gramma was going to die soon. In the dream, she had a brain tumor, but there was relief in death because she felt like she was trapped in that body. Such sadness for her and nostalgia. I love her so much. I realized the denial I’ve had about the whole thing. I’ve been avoiding dealing which her in the nursing home, wanting to be in denial because it’s so painful. It was like the trout pond, that witnessing death is difficult, but denial takes us away from gratitude and appreciation for being alive.
In the dream too, there was that regret Gramma had about being in a place of fear much of her life. She always wanted to move somewhere warm, somewhere tropical. She never really felt connected to Utah. The dream had an overlay of understanding that I was going to shift the trajectory of our family liniage moving from Utah to Costa Rica, and there was great relief in that.